Fanmail #1 - ZOMG I LUVZ U !

From: Lynn from Oklahoma
Date: Monday, September 22nd 2008
Subject: ZOMG I LUVZ U !

dman even though i did not create any fan club or those things but in my heart i treat myself as yoour biggest fan . and many people keep telling me that you are not hot not cute not handsome but i told them as long as i love you i dont care what ever they said so i ignore them. i love you d man . and guess wat my friends keeps saying that i should like raikan or bongoo better than you but i dont care i will still like you . i have all the posters about you juat waitin for new magaxines to come out and more of your posters will come to me and i also have all the posters of you and raikan and bongoo and phoenix together and i just want to tell you that i love you but i havent seen you sing once cos my mum did not allow me and you and raikan and bongoo and phoenix have not come to oklahoma alot of times i just hope that you can come to oklahoma more often as wat you said you like oklahoma so i beg you pls come to oklahoma and perform i love you Dman!

For future reference, and to avoid giving me anymore unnecessary headaches, please review the definition of a sentence and apply any gained knowledge in all future correspondence.

Also, its a known fact that there are no girls in Oklahoma named "Lynn". In fact, any scientist will confirm that all Oklahomaian girl names fall into three distinct categories:

1. Names ending with an "een" sound
   Examples: Amaleen, Brandine, Claudine, Earlene, Faylene, Jaylene, Jean, Larlene, Pristine, Raylene, Shirlene
   


2. The three Bs - Where the parents randomly choose one of the three B names (Betty, Billie or Bobby) and add a two to four letter nickname at the end
   Examples: Betty Lou, Billie Jean, Bobby Jo
   


3. Reba - All other girls in Oklahoma are named Reba, although they're surprisingly not named after Oklahoma Country Queen Reba McEntire:
   

(Help!! Her eyes are trying to burn a hole through my head!!!)

Now, I don't know what category you're in, so to be safe, I'm going to call you Betty-Reba-Jean.

So Betty-Reba-Jean, thank you for your very intense fanmail.

All four of us are currently gearing up for the release of Rock Band 2 on PlayStation 3, and will therefore not be able to visit Oklahoma any time soon (though keep an eye out for us in winter of 2009!)

Also, I'm glad to see you have all our posters. Remember that merchandise is what keeps a band alive, so you should do your best to make your parents buy you everything with 3 Macas and A Reject on it, such as our band T-Shirts, Baseball Caps and G-Strings, all available through our Online Store. Even better: if you steal their credit card you can buy all this crap yourself!

Finally, I'm attaching to this letter a copy of our latest poster that will come out later this year. Please add it to your collection and show it off to all your friends!

Dman...

PS: Please send me the name and address of your friends who say that I'm not hot, cute or handsome. I have a bone to pick with them...

PPS: There is no 3 Macas and A Reject Online Store... yet...

(edit Jan 21/09: There now is a 3 Macas and a Reject Online Store)

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